The Toy That Killed My Christmas

That was it!

 That phone was the holy grail to me in 1984.

That commercial roped me in and had me hooked. I had to have that flipping phone! If I didn't hear Snow White say she loves ME..ME!!! - I was going to lose my 5 year old shit!  I begged Santa in many crayon scented letters on Hello Kitty paper to please grant this one wish.  I wanted to be that one kid on the block that everyone was jealous of.  I wanted to have THE TOY - and in my mind this talking hunk of plastic was THE TOY!

I was a believer. Santa, the elves, the reindeer, the sleigh, the cookies, the chimney - the whole nine yards- 5 year old Molly Ann believed every word as truth. I had no reason not to trust what my parents said.

Yep - loads of swagger back then!

 I mean look at that face! That freckle faced kid believed without question that the fat man with the jelly belly would bring the magical Mickey Mouse Talking Phone to her on Christmas morn' - without a doubt! Seriously,  I almost look like I work for Santa in this picture.

Point is, I had complete faith in Santa, and he was going to deliver on my one request. Santa and only Santa could make this happen.

Well, back then my little brother was 2 and he was a hot mess - as he continues to be to this day.  My parents have been distracted by his antics since 1982 and I have been left to my own devices ever since.  I learned quickly how to find quiet places in the house to hide from the chaos and be in my own world.

One day my little brother was being a particularly bad seed. I decided to hide out in my parents room to avoid him. I brought a few My Little Ponies with me and hid under my parents king sized bed. I was on the right side of the bed towards the wall having a grand adventure with Butterscotch and Moonbeam when I saw - THE BAG! It was a big black garbage bag, under my parents bed. This intrigued me. My first thought was - oh no! Someone left the trash under the bed! I wanted to be the helpful child and take this neglected garbage outside. So I pushed this heavy bag out from under the bed, and I crawled out after it.

It didn't take long for me to notice the bag was untied and open. I went in to tie it and that is when I saw it!

Look at this shit! Who wouldn't want this?!

There is was! THE Mickey Mouse Talking Phone! I was so excited I may have giggled aloud. It was really in my home and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world - or at least on Old Ivy Rd.  Then I remembered - Wait, I asked Santa for this! Why is it under my parent's bed? Then I got even more excited! Oh, My, Goodness! I will get TWO of these! One from Santa and one from Mom and Dad! This will be the GREATEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

My 5 year old logic had reasoned that my parents, not having paid attention to me or the many letters I have written to Santa, went ahead and bought what Santa was OBVIOUSLY already bringing me. - Duh! So, being sly, I put the phone back and pushed the bag of toys under the bed and never spoke of it again.

It took every bit of self control I had to not spill the beans on my epic find, but I did not want to risk them returning the phone they bought and me not getting TWO Mickey Mouse Talking Phones. This was the most difficult thing for a chatty 5 year old girl to do - keep a secret. But I did it.

Christmas morning came and I woke my little brother up at an obscene hour to help move things along.  Dad checked to see if Santa indeed came and we were given the "all clear".  I tore into the living room searching for the Talking Phone. I found it right away. It had a bow and tag on it "To Dearest Molly - Love Santa". Ok, so I found the Santa one! Awesome! I gave my best excited face and then kept moving. I wanted to save my real "Christmas Joy" face for when I found the other phone.  I muddled through other gifts while desperately looking for the matching toy. 

Well, you guessed it folks. There was no other phone. This was it!

BUSTED!

I caught my folks red handed! That was the moment it all became crystal clear to me.

"Hi little 5 year old Molly - Merry Christmas - Santa isn't real - welcome to the real world bitch!" -

That is what that unopened toy was saying to me.  My bubble was burst and I felt my stomach drop.  I I was devastated! Total shock! I took my loot back to my room, and I never mentioned to my family, until now, that I knew Santa was really Mom and Dad. I have kept that secret to this day - now it is finally out.

Phew, this feels good. Sorry Mom and Dad.

Now - as a parent Santa takes on a whole new role. Its your turn now to help them believe and pass on the magic.   I love hearing my boys talk about how they think Santa can still deliver our gifts even though we don't have a chimney here in the apartment. I love planning what cookies we are going to make for Santa. I love helping them make letters for Santa, and getting pictures with Santa. I even love that ridiculous Elf on the Shelf.  Will named him years ago.

Yep - that's the name you get when your kid watches A LOT of Star Wars.

I love seeing them dream and wish.  I love seeing them imagine something so happy and pure that you can see it written all over their eyes. That is what Santa is - not something made by Hasbro - its more than that. I hope they keep that joy and belief in dreams long after they learn the truth behind the story. 


I wonder what toy will reveal the truth to them.  I hope its not as traumatic as my discovery.   Yet, even when we all discover the reality we never really lose the magic and fun that is Christmas.

 Hmmm, I wonder....

Anyway....


See you all next time - when I promise I will discuss tasting something I may regret. I know I promised that before, but I had to share my phone story with you.

Swag on!
Swagger Mom
@Irishbelle2000
and follow my world through a gentle filter on Instagram - Irishbelle78