Let's Play a Game!

This stuff is delicious by the way!

Ready to play spin the bottle?

Wait -I think I am too old for this shit!

New Flash!

 I have never, never,  ever , ever, played Spin the Bottle. Shocking! I know.  I think I would be hard pressed to find any of my high school crew who ever played this game either.  Dating in your awkward teen years was already difficult without adding a random "7 minutes in heaven" in a closet with a classmate to it.  I don't feel like I missed out on much, and I don't regret not being a part of this "teen rite of passage." We had enough strange without THAT.

But now....

 Now, I am thrown into this new game and I had no idea how the rules have changed! It is a learning curve and it keeps you on your toes for sure.

Me-May 1997 - how I ever got a date looking like this I will never know.

Crap! The last "first date" I went on was in 1997 -  Miley Cyrus was 4 years old, Seinfeld was the #1 show, and MMMBOP had just hit the airwaves AND the corners of my mind ( I have yet to get that song out of my head).  The rules, and fashions have changed and I fear  upon entering this new dating world that I am in for an EPIC battle of Spin the Bottle! 

 I swear, I am too old for this shit!

Being that I am WAY too old for this nonsense I am a girl who appreciates direct. I have the distinct pleasure of being the recipient of a certain bartender's very direct bottle spinning skills.  I sit down and the bottles start flying.  Like this.....

Um, yeah,  maybe not quite as cool as this, and definitely NOT looking like Tom Cruise,  but its still amusing. 

I get free drinks and a bottle tossing show! Dinner, drinks and a show - who needs Vegas?!?!??! It was a little awkward at first because I am not used to it.  Now, I giggle about it, and we joke about when we are going out on a date. I have always told him no and will continue to decline the requests..it has become a routine now . We will get to the whys my declining bartender ANOTHER TIME.  Yet,  he stills spins bottles while I laugh , I drink my whiskey and wait for my turn at karaoke.  Spice Girls up yet?

 Hey, I appreciate direct - and his bottle spinning is direct and I can deal with it.  Easy. Done.

Now other guys are more subtle in their bottle spinning. Its a mind game of who is going to spin the bottle first  and who will cave first. This game I simply have no patience for.  I have been told that there are rules about how much to text a guy. How many smiley faces,  exclamation marks, winky faces, & LOLs,  to use. Its terribly stupid and confusing, but for some of my dating peers out there they live and die by these rules.

Its the play it cool -"hit and run" style texting I call it. Example:

A guy might text "Hi, how are you?",

A girl responds  "Great how are you?"(no sooner than 5 minutes later because that makes her look desperate ....argh rules) and then......

..............crickets!

NO RESPONSE! 

BOOM GIRL!!!!!!!

WELCOME TO THE GAME! 

Your mind is left bottle spinning!  Do I text again? Did I say something wrong? - while you review your text feed for evidence of a flag throwing offense. Did I use too many freakin smiley faces???  Its mind boggling. I will never understand it. I feel for those who take these rules as gospel because it seems to just keep the bottles spinning and the game never ending.

 I have no filter and I am pretty direct. If I like someone I will want to talk to them ...a lot...and I will text more than I should.   The "hit and run" rules about texting and calling just make my head hurt.  Mostly it makes me want to drink from the bottle instead of spin it.  

But its not 1997 anymore - its 2013 and I learning....

Don't hate the player, hate the game...right?


Lets review - so far I have learned that guys still do tricks to impress girls - like spin bottles. I also learned that there are way too many rules about texting guys and that each winky face has some hidden meaning...

 ;) --ooh sorry didn't mean to ask you to marry me there - oh my bad.

Oh, and then there are the guys who want to spin the bottle, pour the drinks, roofie your drink, and smash the bottle on the floor. 

I was recently exposed to this option of "bottle spinners" while on a weekend vacation. A friend and I were out getting late night dinner at a burger bar , and I was introduced to the brand of bottle spinners called : the douche bag (as labeled by my friend, and they are apparently the norm of the side of town we were on). Warning ladies they roam in packs(of at least a minimum of 4 dudes) and they all like to dress alike.  By alike I mean as rejects from a 98degrees casting call.  Kinda like this.......

I imagine the night before we saw them that they looked like THIS!

This particular night they all decided to go for the 1/2 zip sweaters and puffy vests. I can imagine the frenzied text messages going out while each DB was over applying hair gel and AXE cologne. Everyone making sure the agreed upon ensemble for the night was ready to wear. 

They were pretty easy to identify, so I am not worried that I will fall under their spell/trap, but it was amusing nonetheless. They were loud. They were obnoxious. They were over served. Then the fighting started. One was being pulled by the collar of the 1/2 zip sweater yelling unintelligible words at another DB. There were words exchanged and the puffy vests almost came off...almost. For a moment we thought a gun might appear, but sadly it did not get that exciting.  We stayed in our corner observing the fray and kept ordering drinks. I took a mental note to keep away from this breed and to step out of the game when they are spinning the bottle.

I thank my friend for the lesson in the local douchbags. It was eye opening! Thank you :) (that's me smiling..no hidden meaning) 

OMG - pass the whiskey!  Now I am left spinning.   Again, I am too old for this shit!  I don't play games very well, and I don't follow rules well either. The way I see the game for me is two options:

1. I sit down , all in, to play this silly game and risk dealing with a collection of  Tom Cruises, subtle hit and run texts, and 98 degrees playing me for a fool.

or!

2. I keep my bottles and wait for someone who likes Jameson and coke and lets me play by my own rules..no matter how many texts or smiley faces. ;P (whatever that means...crap.... I think I just asked you to prom!)

Well, I do like Jameson and I hate being gamed - see I'm a simple girl. This shouldn't be that difficult! 


Play on players - I got this!

Next time  I will let you know how thankful I am for....YOU! yes YOU!!!!

Until next time!
Swagger Mom
@irishbelle2000 - twitter