Swagger Mom - a 30-something mom of two trying to keep her sanity and swagger.
A whole lot of random nonsense mixed with stories of my life. Anything and everything that makes me smile, laugh and even cry is fair game here. I'm "Hangin' Tough" because I was raised in the 80s and we knew how to survive - no helmets, no internet, no cell phones, no problem! Let's rock this blog!
Crap! It's back! I can't hide under jeans and comfy sweatshirts anymore. Summer is knocking on our door. As I slowly back away from the Doritos and iced coffee I am reminded that I need to workout more. I have done it all. Zumba, TRX, Cardio-Sculpt, Biggest Loser Workouts, Yoga, Pilates, T25 and many more. Soon I will try the new Beachbody dance workout Cize. I try them all, but after a while I get so freakin' bored. I can only take Shaun T of t25 telling my to dig deeper, and him always comparing my squats to Derrick's. For the love of God Shaun! Sorry, but I will NEVER live up to Derrick's squats - because "Derrick has AAAAAAMAZING squats!" as you remind me weekly on Disc 2 - Speed 1.0 of t25.
Anyway, I need a switch up in my routine. So, as I was sweating my butt off to the latest t25 workout it hit me - workouts have some a long way! I think Swaggermom should review old workout videos! I think it is time to try to Sweat to the Oldies again! Now that I will be working out more at home I want to share the treasures of the past with you...like this...and OH SWEET LORD this woman is AMAZING and I want to go to her awkwardly fantastic workout class...
Jillian Michaels, this woman has you beat for sure! It is gold like this that I want to search out, work out, and share with you! I hope to lose a few extra pounds along the way, but more importantly I want to be having fun. This makes me wanna crimp my hair and get out my old "Get in Shape Girl" kids workout set. YES, for those still yet to be born back in the 80s, girls were sold a workout set under the guise of it being a toy. Evidence:
Yep I fell for it too! All I wanted was the damn ribbon! It was kinda sick marketing and it most likely added to the image complex most of my peers had in the 80s, but damn I wanted that ribbon!!!! If I can find any tapes or videos of this I plan of doing it - along with Mousercize and my old Strawberry Shortcake Get Fit record. Oh this will be fun!
I hope you are along for this ride back in time with Swaggermom. I will be using the past to help "shape" my future - oh crap I need to stop being so nerdy with the puns. I hope this little experiment will prove worthy of your reading time. I have missed writing, but I need to workout too. This will help me stick to both. I may even drag my amazing fiance into doing a few workouts from 80s with me. LOL
Sometimes I forget how old I am. Seriously, I have to think about it.
I downright refuse to act 30.....something.....ha ha. SHHHH!
I
take it as either I am too old to care, or I have convienced myself
that I am forever and always 27. I have no idea why that is the age I
have thought I have been forever. Truly, no idea, but I think I am
stuck at this age forever. I rarely think of my age, and that is most
likely why other teacher's at work act surprised when I am fully up to
date on the latest songs and technology. They act like at my age I
should be over all that, and just be happy with what was cool in 2003.
But I refuse to act my age, whatever THAT means!
Because there are days I kinda think I look as BADASS as THIS :
I
mean look at that!?!?! That is full on swagger to the max! Sometimes
you need to feel like a badass ? Why fall into a box? What is a typical
30 something, divorced, mother of 2 boys supposed to act like? What box
am I supposed to fall into? I refuse to fall in line!
I like being nerdy, silly, random me and all that entails.
I enjoy wearing Converse All Stars and jeans over "mom jeans".
I like cheap glittered holiday jewlery from Walgreen's over Tiffany's.
I will buy junk food merely because it is seasonal and/or "ALL NEW".
I
own Pokemon tshirts, Harry Potter Tshirts, Ghostbusters T Shirts, and
Game of Thrones Tshirts to name a few - that I wear, not my kids.
I would rather eat hot wings and drink a beer on a date than go to a 5 star resturants.
Just to name a few.
AND.....
This
most likely stems from the fact that I still think it was the 90's only
10 years ago. I am living in the 90s in my head....shhhhh.
ANYWAY
- long story short. I DON'T CARE! I am going to do what makes me
laugh, what makes me smile, what makes me happy, what makes me - ME for
the rest of my life. No more hiding!
So below this post is ME! No makeup and what I do best - CAR KARAOKE! Yep - post
workout, no makeup on, singing along to Taylor Swift. Totally me!
Warning: in car rides I will sing...quiet at first and when you try to
fall asleep it gets louder. LOL
So
today's swagger lesson - always be you and be proud of you. You shine
from the inside out when what is inside is allowed to be free.
My
life is awesome, and I am so happy with where I am and who I am. So,
if singing in the car is silly and immature, and taking video of it is
childish, well then FUCK , I guess I am not a real 30 something mom of
2, but at least I am ME!
Few things thrilled me more as a child than the back to school season. I would pour over my supply list with eagerness. Pondering what each 2-pocket folder or composition notebook would be used for. I loved school and I loved the start of school even more. To this day, as a teacher, nothing compares to the first day of school. But anyway...back to school in the 80s meant back to COOL!
I mean seriously! Look at that hair! I am still jealous. As a Catholic School kid I was banned from these rad looks. I always looked on with envy as kids got to pick out their back to school outfits. I was lucky to get a new pair of saddle shoes to match my plaid jumper. I never could rock the big bangs or get a perm. Which in retrospect might have caused my baby fine hair to fall out, so I am good with not having had a perm. No big hair for me... :(
I believe I was asked to make a "scary face" here - yeah I totally delivered. LOL
ANYWAY......
So, back to school time was also the time that you started to define yourself for that year. And without the fashions of JCP to show off your personality us Catholic school kids had to rely on our school supplies. THIS is where THE TRAPPER KEEPER came in. This little beauty of plastic organizational bliss showed the world who you were. With one small Velcro flap could define your status and style on that first day. I recall my mother begging me to "JUST PICK ONE MOLLY! THEY ARE ALL THE SAME!" as I roamed the school supply aisle at Kmart. She didn't understand the pressure. I had to find the perfect one! It had to speak to me. This was a matter of status MOM!
She would offer them all ...
Mom: "OOOH, this one is nice. It has a hot air balloon on it. How about this?"
Me: "GAWD! Mom, NO! that one is like totally lame-o!"
Mom: "What about this green one with kittens in a grassy field?"
Me: "No animals! No dogs, no cats , and NO HORSES!"
I knew 5 people who had this one for sure!
Mom: "There are plain ones. Maybe we can get stickers and you can decorate it yourself?'
Me: "NO! Like, gag me with a spoon! That is for sure nerdy to the max!"
Mom: "This one has race cars sweetie, how about that?"
Me: "UGH! I am not a boy!"
Standard "boy" Trapper - car and lightening bolt, very 80s.
It was no use! I had searched the store all over....found NOTHING! I went home, defeated. :(
The next day my Mom returned from her errands with a "surprise" for me. "I found you the perfect Trapper!"
I was scared shitless! My mom's taste and mine have NEVER meshed - I was prepared for the worst, and good thing because.....
THIS!
HOLY CRAP! My mind raced! I said NO ANIMALS! She brings me this!??!!? School starts tomorrow and I have puppies in the grass on my TRAPPER!!!!!!?????? WTF?!?!?!
I had no choice. I spent that year with the puppies. I was mortified and my dreams of looking so cool and mature were dashed the second my Trapper's cover was revealed. I was immediately 4 years old again. :(
I was 7 dammit!
Well, I survived that year, and magically my Trapper disappeared on the last day of school.
I plead the 5th! LOL
Anyway, the next school year rolls around and THIS time I found the perfect one. In fact my next two were 80s perfection!
I remember you fondly, my friend.
If I could turn back time, you would still be mine!
THESE two Trappers were so me! They were cool, yet understated. LOL. I mean LOOK at that splatter paint on the "tropical" one! Its art! Classy! But yet, back in the day this little overpriced binder meant so much. It was a representation of you, and I loved it. I loved it a little too much that I recall being in tears one day during our first fire drill. I was not aware it was a drill and thought it was the real deal. I was sobbing because I was afraid my Trapper Keeper would be lost in the flames. Yeah, I REALLY needed to get my priorities straight.
So as we head back to school I like to remember my back to school moments in the 80s. It was more than back to class, it was back to the little social experiment that school was. It was the little bubble that you learned about yourself and life in. It was where even the little things , like a Trapper, helped you make a statement in this little bubble.
I miss the Trappers and their crazy covers. Maybe they will make a real comeback one of these days. Until then, I have my memories. Sometimes, sometimes when I hear that distinctive sound of seperating velcro my ears perk up, and I think, maybe , oh maybe, someone has a Trapper nearby!
Happy Back to School to EVERYONE! :)
Swaggermom!
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I am delirious!!!!!!!! I have spent, God knows how many days, moving car loads of things from my apartment to my townhouse and it has all come down to THIS - THIS is the only thing that makes sense to me anymore! I can't stop watching this cat when I should be packing more boxes! I think this cat is my soul animal......
OK Swagermomma - WAKE UP! YiKES
Saving money on movers by driving myself crazy!
Yes, I am moving, again. I have spent about a year here in this super swaggy apartment that is in the shadow of the Golden Dome, mere blocks away from "the House the Rockne built", a brisk walk to the peaceful lights in The Grotto, and 3 blocks from the unmistakable scent of sweat and stale beer that IS THE LINEBACKER LOUNGE (you have to have been there - I highly recommend going but NOT until 2 am on a football Friday). Living here has been a great experience. One that I feel blessed to have had. I am glad my kids had a chance to live this semi-urban existence next to campus. They loved the idea of being "on campus" and they would like to pretend they were students at Notre Dame when we would walk across the street to the playground on campus.
This was a perfect fit and exactly what we needed - at the time - now we need to move on.
At the time - I was begging to leave my house and needed somewhere to escape - to rebuild - and be me. I just wanted someplace familiar to escape to and Notre Dame was it. I was going CRAZY in that house, slowing losing my soul and my mind.....
I totally can relate to that poor woman!
It was here that things started to get better for me. I started to eat again. I started to smile again. I started to get my our routine. I found a way to remove what was my past from defining me - I was free to find happiness.
Yeah, that pretty much sums it all up.
This might sound awful but people would hear I had gotten divorced and was moving away and would pause, give me a pity gaze and say "Aww, I am so very sorry." My quick reply has been, "Well, I'm not!". To be quite honest, it was the best thing for me. It was time. It had been brewing for years it and it was time.
Living here on campus gave me a chance to be free. It was my time to WAKE UP!
Yeah, not gonna lie, this was on my ipod for a while there.
It was here, on my nights without the kids, that I hung out with some amazing bartenders at the Irish pub downstairs. I would get free Jameson and diet Coke and just talk to them about life. I would take my notebook and start blog ideas while sipping a whiskey and watching the late night crowds. I met some interesting people and had some great conversations.
It was here I went on some of my first dates as a newly single woman. I was clueless in the dating world and interested to see what life had in store for me. I met a few people, had a few nice dinners, but nothing that really was me. I felt like I was settling so I stopped looking and stopped going out on dates. But THEN... BAM! It was here that I started talking, online, to my now amazing boyfriend (@audiobox19). NEVER imagined I would find someone so wonderful! It was here(through the magic of twitter, blogs, and facebook) that we met.
Super happy, lucky grateful girl I am :)
This online meeting only began because I started blogging - and made friends in the blog world. FOREVER thankful for THAT - because we are too awesome and I am incredibly happy that we found each other, in the crazy internet based way that we did - its a great story :) that keeps getting better.
So here I say goodbye to a place that gave me so much.
It was here that I found the strength to start a new chapter.
It was here I promised NEVER to compromise who I am.
It was here I decided I needed 3 tattoos in 2 months! (LOL) Still considering more.
It was here I learned that I am stronger than what others believed I was.
It was here I that less is more - and money doesn't buy happiness.
It was here that I saw my two boys take on such a huge life event and they didn't let it stop them from having fun and staying the happy, loving, adventurous boys they are.
It was here that I started over. It was my wake up.....
And now as I sit here on my last night I think about all those things. All that is left here are the big pieces of furniture, a few clothes, and some snacks. I am taking the new life I am building and the stronger person that I became while here. I am ticking down to the last moments of my wifi connection and wondering how it will feel to wake up someplace new...... again. This is the 8th move I have made since I left for college, but a new morning in a new place is always an adventure and a fresh start.
Another key - another door
We will be living a more "kid friendly" life in a townhouse back in the place we left - Elkhart. Its closer to my job and the kids' school. It has a yard and most importantly a attached garage! OMG - I never will take an attached garage for granted EVER AGAIN! Walking three flights of stairs with groceries did wonders for my legs, but I will just to to the gym from now on!
I am excited to keep moving forward with my life. I am so happy right now and see so many good things ahead for me and my boys. There so much to be thankful for and happy about in my life right now. I am grateful for all I have and I am happy that I can share my story with you all. Hope I didn't bore you tonight as I get nostalgic about my time here.
Life is wonderful - enjoy it - and make it all your own!
Get ready for Swaggermom's continued adventures in ELKHART! LOL
There is is...creeping me out everytime I look upon it. It just hangs there in the playroom closet. Waiting. Watching. Reminding me. In a twisted irony it doesn't fit me anymore - much like the marriage it represented - it just didn't fit. Looking at it sends me into a panic attack. Pass me a drink! UGH! It was time. Time to hit this bitch to Craigslist.
How do you price a gown bought in 2000? I am sure I paid well over $1200.00 for it at the time. It was the third dress I tired on while at Bridals By Lori in Atlanta, Georgia. Now, if you are a TLC watching fan you will know exactly what store I am talking about.
Yes, this woman who wants to "Jack you up.." for Prom made a quick sale out of me and my Mom the day I came in for my gown. She knows her shit and she found my dress in 10 minutes. It was a done deal before I even looked at anything on my own. It was a "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" for wedding gown purchases. NOT - the elaborate display they do for the show. I must not have paid enough for that.
I loved my dress, at the time. Looking at it now turns my stomach. It also is not ANYTHING I would pick for myself now. I don't ever see myself in a gown that large and puffy. It had a cathedral length train that was detachable and bead work and a terrible amount of layers underneath. I recall the one time I used the restroom in it. I needed three of my bridesmaids to help me. Yeah, the dirty work of a bridesmaid - hold my dress so it doesn't fall in the toilet. Great! Yeah, now I would find something much more fitted and simple and maybe short- more me. This dress - is so not me. I would NOT say YES to this dress EVER AGAIN.
When I took the dress from the house Mr. Ex Swag said to me , "Hey, don't sell that, you may want to give it to your daughter one day or wear it when you get married again." WTF?!?!?! Of all the stupid shit I have heard in my life this topped them all. I stopped and about lost my lunch at that statement. Collected my thoughts and turned to reply. I had to.
"Um, ok Mr. Ex. Swag - you are assuming a whole shit ton here.
1. Assuming I get pregnant again.
2. Assuming I have a baby girl.
3. Assuming I get married again.
4. Assuming I will WANT to wear a dress I was married to my EX in?!?!?!
5. Assuming my fictitious daughter will want to wear a dress made out of the material I was married to my EX in!?!??!
6. That is the craziest thing I have ever heard - ugh!",
It had to be the strangest thing to fall out of his word hole, that I had heard, in a while besides; "I don't find you attractive anymore." - that has to top it. LOL - Ahh good times.
ANYWAY.....so here I am with his dress and about to move AGAIN. Like hell I am hauling this beast to another closet. Its time to sell it. So, I set it up on Craigslist. I got a few messages but no one followed through. Then a text on a Saturday night - at midnight.
This guy, "David", he named himself. HAHA - as in David's Bridal I am assuming. Anyway, David wanted my dress, but lives out of state. This is where it gets weird. I know its Craigslist - I should expect weird- but I think he was using me to launder money. He wanted me to do the following:
1. Meet a shipper he just arranged (at midnight mind you) at any location I choose.
2. Was going to put $1250.00 in my paypal account on Monday, hours before I meet the shipper. This is $400 above my sale price.
3. Take the extra $400 to pay the shipper
4. Keep the $850
Instantly my mind went..JIGGA WHAT!?!??!??! JIGGA WHO?!?!?!??!?!?!
Ok, that was a nice dance break - always love a little Jay-Z in the afternoon.
But, hold up......something here DID NOT feel right. I mean, I am supposed to front $400 cash to a shipping company to ship a wedding dress? David can't pay them on credit card in advance? Who charges $400 to ship a dress? And Bekins Movers (the company David said he is using) is a moving company not shipping. So my fear is that I would front $400, give my dress, and the money he sends never clears Paypal. So I am out a dress and $400. YEAH- sorry David you are out of luck.
So I text him back that I don't feel comfortable with this and its a no go. He replies "I am a God Fearing Christian and I would do nothing against God's will." Yeah, this was a HUGE red flag and I knew I made the right choice. Whenever someone brings up their religion as a reason to trust them I usually start to back away quickly. My reply "That's great, good for you. But my will says not to do this. No sale! Sorry."
That was the last time I heard from David. I hope he found a wedding dress.
So, my dress is still here..waiting to move on....maybe I should try Ebay?
As much as I want to cut loose of this dress, I couldn't fall for this slimy scam. This dress represents my past - and its not who I am now. This dress filled with fancy beads, tons of fabric, that weighed heavy on my shoulders is not me, and truly never was. I am a happier, simpler, lighter now, and wouldn't have it any other way. I know this dress has a home somewhere, just like my past has a home in my mind where I don't think about it much. I move forward seeing the good ahead and don't let a huge, over beaded wedding gown slow me down anymore. And its all good ;)
The back - kiss my ass dress - its time for you to find a new home!
I truly wish the dress all the best. I hope you had the time of your life in my closet for the last 14 years. LOL
Stay tuned, I swear I will write more :) Maybe even a vlog again...LOL. Fingers crossed. :)
That lyric is not just a catchy phrase - it is a command from Pokemon central that my kids will gladly follow! Swaggermom world has been overtaken by Poke-balls! Yep, BALLS!
SOOOOOO.....somebody (wink wink) recently introduced my children to the joy that is Pokemon. They
are now official addicts to all things Pokemon. I am slowly learning
what this new world is all about, and I have to say this Pokemon stuff,
it RULES! To be honest, I needed a break from the 4000 piece LEGO
sets, hearing the "Everything is Awesome" song on repeat all day, and
the constant fights over who gets to use the "special pieces" as a
"Master Builder". I needed a LEGO break - Pokemon to the rescue! I am forever
grateful to our Pokemon Master. :)
So, tonight, I let the
boys explore their Pokemon love my making a video, because that is what a blog family does...LOL. It is unscripted and they
had a great time. Its again, SwaggerMom style - low budget and one
take. We had a good time making this, and hope it adds a little fun to
your Thursday night. Side note - I have been told that my only "Poke-power" is my pretty good Pikachu voice. Hey, at least I am still cool in their eyes. So I will take that complement as a win.
PIKAAAAAACHUUUUUUU!!!!
Swagger on and enjoy :)
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I'm writing again! I have some feelings for your faces soon, some awesome, new, amazing, fantastic, handsome, clever...oh wait...focus...writing about that soon - but I need to perfect it. In the meantime I have been thinking about my teen years a lot , and I think being a teen in the 90s was 'DA BOMB!
I don't mean to brag but FUCK YEAH - us teens in the 90s were pretty fucking badass back in the day, and we have all pretty much maintained a level of awesome into our mid thirties. Do I dare say it...swagger? I have come to the conclusion, in my ripe old age of 36, that growing up in the 90s has given me and my peers a slight advantage in maintaining levels of cool as we grow up. I mean, anyone who remembers the 80s, didn't come out of it with a raging drug addiction, and can name at least 5 original Smurf characters is winning in my book.
Let me elaborate...
Swagger Mom's Top (oh fuck I dunno how many) reasons why kids of the 90s Kick ASS!!!!
1. Anyone who could deal with the bipolarness (is that a word?) of the evolution of 90s music is a well rounded SOB who will NEVER judge anyone based on their musical tastes. I mean really, we started the decade with NKOTB at the top of the charts, a little GnR mixed in, THEN slid into the Alternative/Grunge world, throw some amazing brit pop and hip hop in there, then crawled out into a glittery Britney Spears toxic dream! We like it all! We have confused Pandora, Spotify and Itunes-Genius and we are proud of it. Side note - Admit it- you all STILL love this song, know all the words, and HAVE NOT A CLUE what is going on in the video. It is soooooo 90s.
2. We rock because we hit the thrift shops before Macklemore was telling us about "poppin tags" and sheets that smelled like piss. I recall Saturdays with my friends hitting Goodwill and Amvets for used clothes all the time. I had a little league tshirt I rocked for months with bell-bottom corduroys! Rock on! Nobody thought I was strange...well if they did, I never heard about it.
3. We rock because before we hit the thrift shops in the late 90s we wore the SHIT outta the JCPenny catalog. If it matched...we wore it! I mean look at this stuff! We wore this crap with pride ya'll! You talk about the Honey Badger not giving a fuck.... us preteens of the 90s clearly didn't give a fuck!
Don't they look happy in their new fall gear?
4. We had Channel One News! - enough said!
5.We rock because we had Wayne's World. So help me if date a man who has no appreciation for that movie. I will walk - I swear to God he could look like any member of NKOTB and if he hates Wayne's World I will toss out the door. I could write pages and pages about this movie - but basically it was THE movie that we all loved and remembered in our preteen years. Before we could all quote Adam Sandler movies, Tommy Boy or American Pie - there was Wayne's World.
"What am I gonna do with a gun rack?!??!"
6. We rock because we DID NOT HAVE CELL PHONES! Maybe the occasional "car phone" for emergency use only..but no social media, no facebook, no twitter, no snapchat, no kik, no instagram, no text messages, no instant access to ANYONE! We had friendships and relationships face to face. We talked on the phone for hours. We waited for voice messages when we came home. We didn't check our phones every 5 minutes or update our status' every hour. We lived and died on call waiting and caller id. We still were able to have dates, meet up with friends, and survive without the use of smartphones. How did we do it??? We are survivors bitches! I dare any kid now to live a day without their smartphone. They wouldn't last an hour. My college dorm at St. Marys had land lines - single ring meant it was an on campus call (boring), but a double ring meant it was an off campus call ...OMG OMG OMG its a boy calling!!!!.....maybe a Notre Dame boy! I shit you not, you hear your phone go on a double ring and you will run out of the shower and down the hall to catch that call. No joke - I have seen it first hand.
Look at that BEAST of a phone! Talk about ease of use and portability! Bag phone was where its at!
7. Rollerblades! It was THE gift we all wanted one Christmas. I recall getting a pair and then realizing I had NOWHERE to use them, no ride to take me to a roller park, and no one to skate with...so yeah, Christmas 1993 fail!
Also, wearing rollerblading gear as everyday fashion - it was HOT! HAHA - who doesn't love spandex shorts and tank tops on the daily? We all looked amazing! Paired with some Reebox pumps, about 5 pairs of multi-colored socks stacked up, a kickin side pony-tail and a fanny pack and we were ready to hit the mall. No wonder I NEVER had a date in Junior High! Yikes!
They look so bitchin'!
I could go on and on about how I have come to this epiphany about being a preteen and then teen in the 90s. I think we had it pretty damn good. It looks like the teens of now are looking back at us and seeing what awesomeness we were! I can't walk through a Macy's juniors department without thinking I am in an episode of Blossom.
Like, Whoa!
Half shirts, flower prints, flannels around the waist, leggings, over-sized sweaters, overalls and babydoll dresses - oh my! Maybe its the current teen generations way of saying - "You rock kids of the 90s! We missed out!" Yes, yes, y'all did.
So, to all my friends who think being in their 30s now sucks.....shut that shit down! We grew up in the best time possible and it made us the swaggy badass adults we are today!
Rock on kids of the 90s! Just wait till we are all in our 70s - we are going to be the coolest grandparents on the block!
Ooh yeah! 1991 all up in your face! Me in my white jean glory! Headband big enough for ya?
"Party on Wayne!"
Til next time - swag on!
Next time - well, you will see :)
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