Sunday, March 9, 2014

90s Teens RULE!

I'm writing again! I have some feelings for your faces soon, some awesome, new, amazing, fantastic, handsome, clever...oh wait...focus...writing about that soon - but I need to perfect it. In the meantime I have been thinking about my teen years a lot , and I think being a teen in the 90s was 'DA BOMB!

I don't mean to brag but FUCK YEAH - us teens in the 90s were pretty fucking badass back in the day, and we have all pretty much maintained a level of awesome into our mid thirties. Do I dare say it...swagger?  I have come to the conclusion, in my ripe old age of 36, that growing up in the 90s has given me and my peers a slight advantage in maintaining levels of cool as we grow up.  I mean, anyone who remembers the 80s, didn't come out of it with a raging drug addiction, and can name at least 5 original Smurf characters is winning in my book.

 Let me elaborate...

Swagger Mom's Top (oh fuck I dunno how many) reasons why kids of the 90s Kick ASS!!!!

1. Anyone who could deal with the bipolarness (is that a word?) of the evolution of 90s music is a well rounded SOB who will NEVER judge anyone based on their musical tastes.  I mean really, we started the decade with NKOTB at the top of the charts, a little GnR mixed in, THEN slid into the Alternative/Grunge world, throw some amazing brit pop  and hip hop in there,  then crawled out into a glittery Britney Spears toxic dream!  We like it all! We have confused Pandora, Spotify and Itunes-Genius and we are proud of it. Side note - Admit it- you all STILL love this song, know all the words, and HAVE NOT A CLUE what is going on in the video. It is soooooo 90s.

2. We rock because we hit the thrift shops before Macklemore was telling us about "poppin tags" and sheets that smelled like piss. I recall Saturdays with my friends hitting Goodwill and Amvets for used clothes all the time. I had a little league tshirt I rocked for months with bell-bottom corduroys! Rock on! Nobody thought I was strange...well if they did, I never heard about it.

3. We rock because before we hit the thrift shops in the late 90s we wore the SHIT outta the JCPenny catalog. If it matched...we wore it! I mean look at this stuff! We wore this crap with pride ya'll!  You talk about the Honey Badger not giving a fuck.... us preteens of the 90s clearly didn't give a fuck!
Don't they look happy in their new fall gear?

4. We had Channel One News! - enough said!

5.We rock because we had Wayne's World.  So help me if date a man who has no appreciation for that movie. I will walk - I swear to God he could look like any member of NKOTB and if he hates Wayne's World I will toss out the door.  I could write pages and pages about this movie - but basically it was THE movie that we all loved and remembered in our preteen years. Before we could all quote Adam Sandler movies, Tommy Boy or American Pie - there was Wayne's World. 
"What am I gonna do with a gun rack?!??!"

6. We rock because we DID NOT HAVE CELL PHONES!  Maybe the occasional "car phone" for emergency use only..but no social media, no facebook, no twitter, no snapchat, no kik, no instagram, no text messages, no instant access to ANYONE! We  had friendships and relationships face to face. We talked on the phone for hours. We waited for voice messages when we came home. We didn't check our phones every 5 minutes or update our status' every hour.  We lived and died on call waiting and caller id. We still were able to have dates, meet up with friends, and survive without the use of smartphones. How did we do it??? We are survivors bitches! I dare any kid now to live a day without their smartphone.  They wouldn't last an hour.  My college dorm at St. Marys had land lines  - single ring meant it was an on campus call (boring), but a double ring meant it was an off campus call  ...OMG OMG OMG its a boy calling!!!!.....maybe a Notre Dame boy! I shit you not, you hear your phone go on a double ring and you will run out of the shower and down the hall to catch that call. No joke - I have seen it first hand.
Look at that BEAST of a phone! Talk about ease of use and portability! Bag phone was where its at!

7. Rollerblades! It was THE gift we all wanted one Christmas. I recall getting a pair and then realizing I had NOWHERE to use them, no ride to take me to a roller park, and no one to skate yeah, Christmas 1993 fail!
 Also, wearing rollerblading gear as everyday fashion - it was HOT! HAHA - who doesn't love spandex shorts and tank tops on the daily? We all looked amazing! Paired with some Reebox pumps, about 5 pairs of multi-colored socks stacked up, a kickin side pony-tail and a fanny pack and we were ready to hit the mall. No wonder I NEVER had a date in Junior High! Yikes! 
They look so bitchin'!

I could go on and on about how I have come to this epiphany about being a preteen and then teen in the 90s.  I think we had it pretty damn good.  It looks like the teens of now are looking back at us and seeing what awesomeness we were! I can't walk through a Macy's juniors department without thinking I am in an episode of Blossom.
Like, Whoa!
Half shirts, flower prints, flannels around the waist, leggings, over-sized sweaters, overalls and babydoll dresses - oh my! Maybe its the current teen generations way of saying - "You rock kids of the 90s! We missed out!" Yes, yes, y'all did.

So, to all my friends who think being in their 30s now sucks.....shut that shit down! We grew up in the best time possible and it made us the swaggy badass adults we are today!

Rock on kids of the 90s!  Just wait till we are all in our 70s - we are going to be the coolest grandparents on the block!

Ooh yeah! 1991 all up in your face! Me in my white jean glory! Headband big enough for ya?

"Party on Wayne!"

Til next time - swag on!

Next time - well, you will see :)

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